Midlife Mysteries | Musings and Ramblings at 40something: An …
March 9th, 2010
“In those troubled times, in the night watches, God became more and more real to me. he covered me with his outspread wings. My affliction became the cord with which he drew me to himself.” -Glenda Revell from “Glenda’s Story”
A week ago today I was in a tremendous amount of pain. little was I to know then that my life could have ended in that instant. but God is faithful and His hand was and is upon me.
Last Sunday, August 27 I was rushed to the hospital for an emergency laparascopy due to an ectopic pregnancy. For weeks now, if you have been reading my blog entries, I had been complaining of an unusual pain in my lower right side. Never in my wildest dreams did I think for a moment that I was pregnant. in reality, I had already been for the last six to seven weeks.
Sometime in the middle of August, I started feeling some strange spasms close to my rectal area. It seemed very difficult to pass gas and there was a slight feeling of constipation. On August 19, I had an entry in this blog entitled Mittleschmerz! wherein I thought that the intense pain I was feeling on my right side was correlated to my mid-cycle (remember that my “period” or “Flo” as I call her, had supposedly arrived around August 6) and so I took several doses of Naproxen and the pain was gone in 48 hours.
I went to work the week of August 21, thankful that the pains were gone. Everyday, I drive 20 kilometes (or a 40minute drive) from my home to my place of work and vice versa through Manila’s busiest thoroughfare. On Tuesday, August 22 I went to the gym and did my usual work out. Also, this month, I had started boxing lessons around the first week of the month – a very intense work-out that really leaves you exhausted at the end of a full hour. I had already three lessons by this time.
Friday night, August 25, I went to the Fitness First gym on the 35th floor of Wynsum building in the Ortigas area. At around 6:00 P.M. after doing weights – my last exercise was on the adductor machine (exercise for the thigh area) I suddenly felt a sharp pain on my right side and spasms all over the abdomen all the way to my butt. I thought then that I was going to pass out on the gym floor but prayed really hard to God not to allow that to happen because I did not know anyone there and because we were high up in a building. Thankfully I did not pass out, by God’s grace, and because my mind was focused on having to pick up P from her school (a ten minute drive from the gym) that evening, by the grace of God, I was able to make it to the ground floor, walk to the nearby parking lot, drive to her school, pick her up and drive to my mother’s house through a slight rain and tupical Friday night traffic — all through the grace of God. by then I had already managed to send a message to H that I was in major pain and for him to meet me at my mom’s house.
When P and I arrived at mom’s house, I fell on the matress on the floor and stayed there for close to an hour, writhing in pain. My OB-Gyne, Dr. Prudence Aquino, my childhood friend who lives across the street from my mom, was alerted and I spoke to her about my condition. in fairness to her, three weeks prior to Friday night, I told her that my period had been delayed by a week, she asked me to get a transvaginal unltrasound because I might be pregnant. However, I balked at the idea of having a proble inserted down there and so I did not get one. the day after I also got my period, or so I thought.
Thinking that I did get my period, we were focused on other reasons for the pain – a kidney stone? a urinary tract infection? intestinal adhesions (I had three C-sections)? she prescribed some Buscopan Plus and ordered a CBC (complete blood count), kidney function tests and a bladder ultrasound to be conducted over the week-end. the whole of Friday night and Saturday morning was hell for me. We managed to go home to our own house Friday night but it was a fitful and painful night for me. H was worried sick as well because it was the first time in our marriage that I had been doubled over in pain that way. Saturday was the worst because the spasms did not seem to want to stop. Saturday afternoon, I went to St. Luke’s Meical Center (SLMC) and had my urinalysis and blood works done. the ultrasound was scheduled for the following day. Saturday night was slightly better and I was able to sleep a little. by then I was on two pain killers – Naproxen and Buscopan Plus – round the clock.
Sunday noon, H, my mom and I went to SLMC for the bladder and kidney ultrasound. Before going there I read the results from my CBC and urinalysis the prvious day and the rsults were negative. Immediately I knew it had to be something else – either there was something wrong with my reproductive system or my digestive system. My nerves were starting to rattle me at this point and I asked the Lord to steady me and stay with me through all that I was going through.
Lying on the table as the technician pressed the ultrasound scope on the lower right side of my abdomen, I squirmed in pain. she then asked me if I had any children. I told her I had already had three. she then asked to be excused because she wanetd to show the images to the doctor. Uh-oh. I thought to myself. “Lord, this is it. they found something…” and I could feel my heart beat wildly. the radiologist came in and looked at the screen, “I think you need to have this investigated further through a transvaginal ultrasound…We see a shadow somewhere near your uterus.” by then I already felt like crying but I tried to keep my composure and my wits. “WOuld you like to talk to my OB?” I asked her. so immediately, I called my OB and the two of them discussed what she had seen. A myoma was suspected. the word myoma itself gave me the jitters – images of abdominal surgery and cancer – filled my mind but I tried to whisk those images away and focus on God. “You have to get me through this, please…” I said to him in prayer. My OB then asked me to go and see Dr. Sol Pangan, one of the country’s best sonologists who mercifully, again by God’s design, was on duty at her clinic on a Sunday afternoon! I calmed down a bit, knowing that I was going to be seen by one of the country’s best and examined for a procedure that I dreaded by the gentlest of hands. “Thank you Lord, ” I kept saying over and over while H, mom and I waited for the final ultrasound results.
Three hours later, this was about 3:30 P.M. on Sunday afternoon, I was once again lying on an examination table, this time in Dr. Pangan’s clinic. Dr. Pangan has both an authoritative and motherly aura about her – just what you need when you are on the edge of your nerves, wondering what in heaven’s name you have growing inside of of you. she guided me through the exam very gently and examined me in a very thorough manner. Knowing that God put me in the best of hands, was a great comfort at that moment in time. Outside H and mom waited for the verdict. “Hija,” she gently said, “I see a polycystic mass posterior to your uterus…” I could not believe what I had just heard. once more images of cancer swam in my head. “Oh no! Lord, I’m too young. This can’t be…” I silently thought to myself. Dr. Pangan then spoke to me, H and mom and explained what she had seen on the screen. Then, out of the blue, she asked, “Have you done a pregnancy test?” I replied in the negative and wondered to myself since that was the second time I had been asked that question that day. “In that case,” she said, “We also cannot rule out an ectopic pregnancy.” in that instant, a ray of hope filled me. “Oh Lord, please, please let it be an ectopic pregnancy….” I cried to God. From the little I knew of a woman’s repsorductive system, an ectopic pregnancy would be a much better alternative to having an unknown mass grow inside of you. At least if it was a pregnancy, then you already knew what it was right away. and so, from that moment on, that became my prayer… little was I to know that what I was asking for was equally dangerous and possibly fatal if not caught in time. God was already working His miracles in my life from that point onwards. There were many more to follow that evening and in the following morning when surgery was scheduled. he was and is truly with me ALL the way…
Women are called to be soldiers. Readiness for the battle is crucial, for we never know when we are going to be called up. sometimes the battle descends on us without warning. Other times we march into the war zone for someone else – a husband, a friend, or a child. A woman’s theology can make all the differencein how well she fights the battle s that are part of God’s plan for her. sometimes theology is all we have in the war zone. When faith is stripped to the bone and all our props and crutches are gone, our knowledge of God – that he is good and still on his throne – is the only thing that keeps us going. – Caroline Custis James in “When Life and Beliefs Collide”
To be continued tomorrow – how he protected me through the night and on the morning of the surgery
Midlife Mysteries | Musings and Ramblings at 40something: An …